'Thank You My Wife for....'

Our office often had celebration. Someone get transferred to another branch, someone being transferred from another branch, someone get transferred to the jobless list (read : retire), promotion, birthday, or just some weird gathering which they called 'togetherness'.

In those occassions, normally the person being celebrated, of course beside the Big Boss, gives a speech. And, the template of the speech is always : first, they thank God; second, thank the bosses; third, thank the colleagues; fourth, apologize for something they do; fifth, apologize for something they did not do, and that is all. Are not they forgetting something?

Yup. They never mention someone which stand very close to them, the wife, which is dress nicely with the hairdo and classy kebaya. The wife which stand beside him at those very moment whom never get thanked to. The wife, which has to stay at home to raise the kids, serves the meal and comes to the 'dharma wanita' meeting which I believe is very torturing.

Different with those speech at the Academy Awards which always start with thanking someone very close and ended with the fans. Here, we do not regard the wife to be that much necessary to be thanked to. When a wife is good, it is their obligation, it is what they supposed to do, it is not a merit, it is not a good deed, it is nothing to be thanked for. 'The thank will come from God and you will end up in heaven'....I imagine that is what the husband thinks.

Well, I feel sorry for those wives, but they will go to heaven anyway so maybe I need not to be sorry at all. But I just want to say when my time comes to give the speech, I will 'put' my wife after God. That amazing woman beside me and said.......

'Thank you my wife for......'

Give In or Give Up

This might sound a bit romantic but I will try to eliminate the cheesy part :)

One day I have a chat with my old-friend about his romantic life. He is the type of guy that is always 'plunge' in a relationship totally, without hesitation, totally give in (if not a total surrender). He takes a stance that 'if you want to be happy, really happy, then you must not hold back' . He is no 'I only give 60 or 70 % of me so that In case something happen I will not totally loose it' type. He left himself exposed and of course...be vulnerable, voluntarily. And so far, it takes him nowhere. A bit of happiness but lots of dissapointments. No one stays with him for long.

Some of my other friends then would reminded him of the famous postulate of 'Do Not Give Yourself Totally'. But, as I analyze (remember that I'm an analyst) I do not againts the 'total surrender' strategy. The problem is not entirely in the 'give in' part, but in 'for whom' part and the 'when' part. Certain women, or in fact most women perceive that it is their role to do the 'give in' part in the relationship, not the men. Moreover, going over too early saying 'You have all my heart, I can not fall in love for anyone except you' will surely make your relationship going over the cliff. I myself will terrified with a women who fell completely with me (if any).

So, it is not wrong to 'give in' yourself as long as you are sure about the person, she is sure about you and the timing is right. But, then again, the problem are that the three justified parameters as I have mentioned will never be perfect 100%. So, what is 'sure'?, what percentage is 'sure'? If you do not know the answer then it is better to just give up to give in yourself........

Marriage Phobic

Just read an article about 'marriage phobic'. By definition, a marriage phobic is the one who is suffering from irrational fear of marriage. They are afraid that life may change drastically after marriage.

Hmmm.....I think some people around me might have shown the symptoms. Some of my friends, the happy-go-lucky married couples, like to make fun of the issues, "Why would you afraid of something so wonderful?"or "You won't be afraid if you find the right person" which I think is unfair. It is like saying 'Why are you afraid of spider?' or 'You would not be afraid if you find the right spider' to the arachnophobic. I think it is not entirely about the spider. It is more about the perceptive, the state-of-mind of the person in question and this is difficult to realize. Most of them would search the world for the right person (or the right spider) only to find that they are all wrong, all unfit.

Now comes the narcissism part. I can not offer you phobic any solution or any tips as I myself did not encounter such issue. But just for the sake of sharing, I decided my marriage in split second, without much thinking, without sleepover the problem (there was definitely a sleepover but not the 'sleepover the problem'). I proposed to my wife spontaneously, without planning (without a ring also) and thank God she said "yes" without thinking too (otherwise she might said no). We do not want to overthink on the basis that we do not expect any major changes in our life after marriage and if in fact there are changes afterall, so be it. And, after all these years still there are no major changes in us except that I have to give all my money to her, but that is not major.

So, once again, let's just not overthink it, after marriage you might go broke, or you might experience World War III at your house or your wife/husband might leave you for someone else, or you might have five kids to feed, or the combination of the above, but I'm sure you can handle all that. That is not that big o' a problem isn't it?

.....let there be changes.....